I love your beef jerky escapade. It sounds like something I would do. And your effort to surreptitiously make things right… 😂
Once I accidentally stole something from Hobby Lobby, because it was at the bottom of the cart & I realized in the parking lot since it wasn’t in the bag, it probably wasn’t on my receipt. I tried to verify this, but if you’ve ever attempted to read a Hobby Lobby receipt, it’s like deciphering hieroglyphics within The Matrix code if they were typed on an ancient typewriter you found at a garage sale with a dried out ribbon.
The clerk was flabbergasted as I tried to explain. (She couldn’t read the receipt either.) When she finally realized I wasn’t blaming her for anything & just wanted to pay for the item, she couldn’t believe it. Apparently this honest act granted me sainthood status & she just couldn’t believe it. Meanwhile, I (the saint) was thinking, “Wow. You’d think a craft store that plays instrumental elevator music renditions of church hymns & has Bibles & crosses in the impulse buy aisle while you wait to pay, would not be so shocked at honesty.” Then it occurred to me that she probably assumed I was a heathen. 😂
I had a purse I meant to buy on my arm at Target one day that I forgot to have rung up. When I went back in to pay for it the cashier wouldn't let me... seems they figured that if I "got away with it" Target wouldn't miss it. Stickin' it to the man, as they say. Got back in line with another cashier -- if I'm going to stick it to the man, I want it to be intentional and with focus. Like March 7-14 Amazon boycott. I'm going to put some great stuff in my cart and cancel it all, including all the apps and Prime. So there. Heathen, ha!
I love everything you write and up until this post I thought we shared the same brain. The brownie corners are the best. Period. They make pans for individual brownies just so everyone can have one. This is very disappointing.
I never wanted the boring middle pieces, and I used to welcome people who do to take all they want.
Then one day in the late 1970s, I read a suggestion and made a batch in some old aluminium ice cube trays, complete with aluminium dividers and every piece is an edge! Soon, everyone could buy special brownie pans with dividers or convoluted sides. And now, today, I pity the middle piece people, because you can't get a "no edge" pan. But I could use ordinary pans and we could probably all get along.
I ordered one of those aluminum ice cube trays from the Vermont Country Store catalogue so I could make the refrigerator dessert I learned to make in 7th grade Home Ec (1960). The insert comes out for that--at one time teensy--delicacy. ANYway, I will now use it with insert to make brownies. Thank you.
I once accidentally stole a bottle of gin. The person on the checkout where I was didn't have the doohickey she needed to remove the security tag so she passed the bottle to the man on the next checkout. He removed the doohickey and passed me the bottle, both of us assuming that the first checkout person had rung up the gin. She hadn't. I only realised when I got home. I still feel bad about that but as I live miles from that particular supermarket I didn't try to make amends, but I did later give a hefty donation to the food bank. In my defence, I once returned a bag of potatoes to a different supermarket, grovelling about how I didn't know how they'd got into my trolley (cart). I found out when I got my mother home though - she no longer had any potatoes.
I also have to say, have been pondering the lack of activity in the Bermuda Triangle recently. AT one point it felt like a weekly occurrence, and now I can't remember the last time anyone got sucked away to oblivion there. I wonder what changed?
The way things are going, climate change has rendered all mythological occurrences & sightings obsolete, including The Bermuda Triangle, The Loch Ness Monster, Big Foot, & that Snow Yeti from Scooby Doo. Now all of our mythologies reside in politics, which makes for really boring cartoons. 🫤
Amen! These days I find myself desperately wanting not to know so many damned names of people in politics. I used to know so few; can I just go back to then? Please?
I liked this quote from the Great Gatsby so much I got it as a tattoo.... "that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool:. Some days I want to be as dumb as an unwatered ficus ALL the time, then I realize....yeah it would probably be bliss. And yes, booze and brownies certainly help that!
I love this piece so much! I always look back at my idiocy years while cringing, but I see now, through your eyes, how adorable little kids are. Thank you for giving me that gift, to forgive myself as a youngster and maybe appreciate myself then, too.
Loved this one, especially the last paragraph! Knowing too much is a curse at the moment so I’m burying myself in fictional worlds where everything ends well. I also spend a lot of time being thankful to authors and their magical power to transport us away from the grimness of reality. Thank you Jonathan!
That was sooo precious! I aspire. I walk around being very easily amused by the tiniest of things, forget what I'm doing continually, which, btw, is the only thing keeping me from despairing about the state of the world. That's the key... the forgetting the things you know and paying attention to what's right in front of your nose because I only have space for so much. Your writing is such a pleasure. I'm gonna go make some brownies now. <3
I get it. I think that's why the 70s were a shitshow for everyone else, but for me, they have a golden glow in my mind. I will fight you on the brownie comment though. =)
I love this piece so so much! I felt it deeply. And this part made me laugh out loud: “And I just feel like those black robes would be a mess around all this dog hair.” We will never tell you to stop! ❤️
I love your beef jerky escapade. It sounds like something I would do. And your effort to surreptitiously make things right… 😂
Once I accidentally stole something from Hobby Lobby, because it was at the bottom of the cart & I realized in the parking lot since it wasn’t in the bag, it probably wasn’t on my receipt. I tried to verify this, but if you’ve ever attempted to read a Hobby Lobby receipt, it’s like deciphering hieroglyphics within The Matrix code if they were typed on an ancient typewriter you found at a garage sale with a dried out ribbon.
The clerk was flabbergasted as I tried to explain. (She couldn’t read the receipt either.) When she finally realized I wasn’t blaming her for anything & just wanted to pay for the item, she couldn’t believe it. Apparently this honest act granted me sainthood status & she just couldn’t believe it. Meanwhile, I (the saint) was thinking, “Wow. You’d think a craft store that plays instrumental elevator music renditions of church hymns & has Bibles & crosses in the impulse buy aisle while you wait to pay, would not be so shocked at honesty.” Then it occurred to me that she probably assumed I was a heathen. 😂
I had a purse I meant to buy on my arm at Target one day that I forgot to have rung up. When I went back in to pay for it the cashier wouldn't let me... seems they figured that if I "got away with it" Target wouldn't miss it. Stickin' it to the man, as they say. Got back in line with another cashier -- if I'm going to stick it to the man, I want it to be intentional and with focus. Like March 7-14 Amazon boycott. I'm going to put some great stuff in my cart and cancel it all, including all the apps and Prime. So there. Heathen, ha!
I love everything you write and up until this post I thought we shared the same brain. The brownie corners are the best. Period. They make pans for individual brownies just so everyone can have one. This is very disappointing.
I never wanted the boring middle pieces, and I used to welcome people who do to take all they want.
Then one day in the late 1970s, I read a suggestion and made a batch in some old aluminium ice cube trays, complete with aluminium dividers and every piece is an edge! Soon, everyone could buy special brownie pans with dividers or convoluted sides. And now, today, I pity the middle piece people, because you can't get a "no edge" pan. But I could use ordinary pans and we could probably all get along.
I ordered one of those aluminum ice cube trays from the Vermont Country Store catalogue so I could make the refrigerator dessert I learned to make in 7th grade Home Ec (1960). The insert comes out for that--at one time teensy--delicacy. ANYway, I will now use it with insert to make brownies. Thank you.
I once accidentally stole a bottle of gin. The person on the checkout where I was didn't have the doohickey she needed to remove the security tag so she passed the bottle to the man on the next checkout. He removed the doohickey and passed me the bottle, both of us assuming that the first checkout person had rung up the gin. She hadn't. I only realised when I got home. I still feel bad about that but as I live miles from that particular supermarket I didn't try to make amends, but I did later give a hefty donation to the food bank. In my defence, I once returned a bag of potatoes to a different supermarket, grovelling about how I didn't know how they'd got into my trolley (cart). I found out when I got my mother home though - she no longer had any potatoes.
I also have to say, have been pondering the lack of activity in the Bermuda Triangle recently. AT one point it felt like a weekly occurrence, and now I can't remember the last time anyone got sucked away to oblivion there. I wonder what changed?
The way things are going, climate change has rendered all mythological occurrences & sightings obsolete, including The Bermuda Triangle, The Loch Ness Monster, Big Foot, & that Snow Yeti from Scooby Doo. Now all of our mythologies reside in politics, which makes for really boring cartoons. 🫤
Amen! These days I find myself desperately wanting not to know so many damned names of people in politics. I used to know so few; can I just go back to then? Please?
I get this. I do
I liked this quote from the Great Gatsby so much I got it as a tattoo.... "that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool:. Some days I want to be as dumb as an unwatered ficus ALL the time, then I realize....yeah it would probably be bliss. And yes, booze and brownies certainly help that!
I will *always* want an adult brownie. And I definitely need to know what you want to be when you grow up! I want to be a dog and cat rescuer.
I want to be one of my cats.
I loved this so much I ALmost upgraded to paid. Sooo close.
I love this piece so much! I always look back at my idiocy years while cringing, but I see now, through your eyes, how adorable little kids are. Thank you for giving me that gift, to forgive myself as a youngster and maybe appreciate myself then, too.
Loved this one, especially the last paragraph! Knowing too much is a curse at the moment so I’m burying myself in fictional worlds where everything ends well. I also spend a lot of time being thankful to authors and their magical power to transport us away from the grimness of reality. Thank you Jonathan!
That was sooo precious! I aspire. I walk around being very easily amused by the tiniest of things, forget what I'm doing continually, which, btw, is the only thing keeping me from despairing about the state of the world. That's the key... the forgetting the things you know and paying attention to what's right in front of your nose because I only have space for so much. Your writing is such a pleasure. I'm gonna go make some brownies now. <3
I get it. I think that's why the 70s were a shitshow for everyone else, but for me, they have a golden glow in my mind. I will fight you on the brownie comment though. =)
Me!! I want a brownie!! But gluten free, because I grew up. 😬🙄😘
You would be a brilliantly idiotic clumsy ninja. The Peter Sellers of ninjas if you will
I love this piece so so much! I felt it deeply. And this part made me laugh out loud: “And I just feel like those black robes would be a mess around all this dog hair.” We will never tell you to stop! ❤️